Growing up, my life was shadowed by my Dad’s alcoholism. From as early as I can remember, I sensed that he was different from other dads, but as a child, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why.
As I grew older, it became clear that my Dad struggled deeply with his mental health.
From a young age, I took on responsibilities when I stayed over, that most children never face. Caring for my Dad, helping him with his household responsibilities, and dealing with the emotional weight of his illness forced me to grow up quickly and develop a strength that has carried me through many challenges.
While other kids talked about their Dads picking them up from school or helping with homework, my experience was different. Our roles were reversed in many ways. Instead of being cared for, I often found myself as the caretaker. I looked after my dad, cleaned up after him, and did his shopping.
Despite his struggles, I never doubted that my Dad loved me. He wanted to be there for me, to support me, to be the Dad I needed—but he couldn’t. The battles he fought within himself were too consuming. Yet, I saw his deep affection and his regret that he couldn’t be the Dad he wished to be.
Then, in January 2019, my life took a tragic turn. I was at work at Calico, going about my usual routine, when my Mum asked me to gather my things and come with her, she delivered the news that shattered my world: my Dad had died. He had taken his own life.
In that moment, my heart dropped. The pain was indescribable. My Dad’s battle had ended, but the grief and the questions it left behind were just beginning for me. I was overwhelmed with a mix of sorrow, anger, and a deep sense of loss.
My journey through this experience has been a complex one. I’ve had to navigate the depths of grief, come to terms with my Dad’s struggles, and find a way to honour his memory while healing my own wounds.
From the moment I started working at Calico, I knew I was part of a supportive community. This sense of belonging became particularly crucial during one of the most challenging periods of my life.
When my Dad passed away, my colleagues at Calico knew what had happened and provided unwavering support. When I returned to work, I was treated as an individual, not as someone to be pitied. This was exactly what I needed; I wanted to be treated normally, not differently, and my colleagues respected that. Calico’s understanding extended beyond the workplace. With my Dad battling with addiction for most of his life, and he had been in and out of rehab numerous times. However, his time at Acorn, Calico’s drug and alcohol rehabilitation service, was different. When he entered rehab this time, I initially thought it would be like all the other times. But within the first six weeks, I noticed significant changes in his behaviour and mindset. He was more positive, thoughtful about others, and seemed genuinely hopeful about his future.
Acorn gave me something priceless: eight months of my Dad sober. This was the longest he had been sober in my entire life, and it was an adjustment for both of us. It was a period filled with new experiences and emotions as I got to know my Dad in a way I never had before.
The support from Acorn was not just for him; they also helped me navigate this new reality. They provided guidance, counselling, and a compassionate ear, making the transition smoother and more manageable for both of us.
Despite our experiences, my Dad and I always had a good relationship and bond, but Acorn, gave my Dad and me a chance to build a healthier relationship, even if it was just for a short time. They equipped him with the tools he needed to think more clearly about his life and his future. And they gave me the support I needed to understand and cope with these changes.
When my Dad passed away, the grief was overwhelming, but I knew I wasn’t alone. The
support from my colleagues at Calico, both during his rehab and after his death, was unwavering. They respected my need for normalcy, provided me with the necessary emotional support, and helped me navigate the turbulent emotions of loss and recovery.
Through their compassion and understanding, I found strength and resilience, and I am forever grateful for the lifeline they extended to me during those difficult times.
My journey hasn’t been easy, but it has taught me resilience and the importance of seeking support.
Through it all, I’ve learned that it’s okay to acknowledge the pain and the imperfect love my Dad had for me. His struggle with mental health and addiction didn’t define his love for me, nor does it define who I am. I continue to move forward, carrying both the weight of his memory and the strength I’ve gained from surviving such profound loss.
Having a supportive workplace and access to resources like Acorn has shown me how crucial it is to have a network that understands and respects your needs. This has made me appreciate the importance of reaching out and building supportive communities.
Even in the darkest times, there can be moments of light. My Dad’s time in rehab was a testament to this. Seeing him sober and hopeful, even for a short period, reminded me that change and improvement are always possible.
The challenges I faced growing up and the support I received during my Dad’s rehab and after his death have made me resilient. I’ve learned to navigate difficult emotions, manage responsibilities beyond my years, and find strength in hard times.
Working with people who treated me with respect and empathy rather than pity has taught me the value of compassion. It has also shown me the importance of understanding and respecting others experiences without making them feel like victims.
The journey has forced me to grow in ways I never anticipated. Adapting to my Dad’s sobriety period and coping with his loss have both contributed to my personal development, teaching me to be adaptable and resilient in the face of change.
These elements of my story have collectively built a foundation of hope and resilience. They have equipped me with the tools to face future challenges with strength and optimism, knowing that I have the support of a compassionate community and the inner fortitude to
overcome adversity.
Sharing my personal story, I hope others will find comfort, strength and understanding. No matter how overwhelming or impossible your struggles may seem, there is always hope.
My Dad’s journey through addiction and his brief period of sobriety showed me that change and improvement are possible, even after years of hardship. Holding onto hope, even in the darkest moments, is so important.
Talking about your experiences and challenges can be incredibly helpful. Sharing your story not only helps you process your emotions but also encourages others to open up about their own struggles. This creates a sense of community and understanding, helping to reduce the
stigma around mental health and addiction.
Having a strong support system can make a significant difference in navigating difficult times. The support I received from my colleagues at Calico and the team at Acorn was invaluable. Surrounding yourself with people who respect and support you without judgement is important, and don’t hesitate to lean on them when needed.
Difficulty can teach you resilience and strength. The challenges I faced growing up and the loss of my Dad have made me stronger and more adaptable. Embracing your struggles as opportunities for growth, knowing that each hardship you overcome adds to your resilience,
is essential.
Treating others with empathy and respect, especially those going through tough times, is vital. My colleagues approach to my grief, treating me as an individual rather than someone to feel sorry for helped me immensely. Extending the same understanding to others will help create a more supportive and compassionate community.
Professional support, such as rehab services like Acorn, can provide the necessary tools and guidance for both individuals struggling with addiction and their families. Don’t hesitate to seek out professional help; it can make a significant difference in the journey towards Recovery.
Even brief periods of improvement or clarity can be incredibly meaningful. My Dad’s eight months of sobriety allowed us to build a healthier relationship and create lasting memories. Cherishing these moments and using them as motivation to keep pushing forward is important.
Many people face similar struggles, whether it’s dealing with a loved one’s addiction or coping with loss. You are not alone in your journey. By sharing your story and listening to others, you can find unity and mutual support.